I’m grateful for my path.

I love being at this point in life.

It’s when you have enough strength to bear your sensitivity, to wear your personality, to choose your feelings and responses, to walk away from situations that do not suit you, to say “no”, to say “yes”, to say “if you don’t like me, you can leave”.

It’s when you have enough exposure to visit a new city and walk confidently, to start a new job and walk tall.

It’s when you feel so peaceable and whole, you no longer have the craving to shop and buy new things to fill a hole, or to escape into a television series.

It’s when you are so good at enjoying your own company that you can love your friends and family much better because you no longer need them to tell you who you are and what you’re worth.

It’s when you are experienced enough to make a decision that is good for YOU without needing everyone else to approve it, or feeling like you must justify it.

It’s when you are solid enough to look disapproval, judgement and rejection in the face and hold on to everything, giving away none of your sense of self-worth.

It’s when you are secure and stable enough to see someone clearly and love them anyway.

It does not make you invincible. It does not stop the tears. It does not give you any more control over what happens to you in life. But it gives you a moment of reprieve; a moment of mercy, kindness, grace.

This was earned. That’s why it’s precious. And I’m grateful I was given this journey, this path, and no other.

Fireworks.

I know, I know. They’re a waste of (often taxpayer) money, very expensive, pollutive, noisy, indulgent, wasteful, etc.

But the hopeless romantic in me just loves a good occasional firework display, especially when it’s been creatively choreographed, they’ve invented new fire bursts, and it’s combined with other bright fiery showy elements. And rivers. Yes, I just realised that most of the fireworks displays I’ve liked best have been on rivers…. except in cities where there was no real river to speak of.

The most memorable fireworks display I’ve ever seen was one in the late 90s, in Melbourne on the banks of the Yarra River, during a festival called Moomba. It was beautifully choreographed, poetic, quirky, smart, atmospheric, even moody and mysterious with a hint of the Cirque du Soleil at times.

I’m sheepishly grateful for fireworks.

I’m grateful for the in-betweens.

I felt that this post was particularly relevant for this point in time, when many school-leavers will be entering college/university and deciding what to do with their lives. It’s an in-between all over the world (except Anglo-system nations). Post-SATs, post-bac, pre-college… I wish I had had these speeches/articles to inspire me when I was younger, but I matriculated in a time before the internet became popular. So, here they are:

Life's little mercies

The in-betweens are times to take stock and decide what we stand for, and what we really want. Maya Angelou once said: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” In-betweens normally happen at the point of “knowing better”. That’s when things can get a bit thorny. That’s normally when you realise you’re standing at the edge of something potentially life-changing, but it requires… well, changing your life. Sometimes giving up things that are no longer working for us; sometimes admitting a huge, I got it wrong before, and I’m sorry. How hard is that, right?! We know at that point that things can go wonderfully right or disastrously wrong, and so would require a huge leap of faith.

Personally, I am paradoxically risk-averse and adventure-yearning. So these forks in the road are very often slightly agonising. At least.

That’s where…

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Cheese.

I love visiting fromagers (cheese specialty shops), learning, slowly, bit by bit, about the different cheeses while I try to consume in moderation. I’m grateful for cheese, for they are such wonderful everyday treats.

Gazpacho.

Cold soups weren’t in my vocabulary before I went away to study in a temperate country for the first time, and summers were very, very….well, summery. In my mind, soups were hot: clear and brothy, creamy, or a bit gluey.

But then there were those hot summer days on which meaty or potatoey dishes just made me feel a little bit queasy. You know, beer and beach and barbecue days. Lawn chairs and sprinkler days. Swimming pools and late alfresco dinner days. Sunscreen and hats and hammocks days.

I just love freshly-made gazpacho on days like that. Just enough savoury and sweet; spicy and smooth. Yeah, grateful for gazpacho.

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Housewarming parties.

I walked past a cheerful housewarming party this afternoon, with plates of food and desserts and chattering people milling and spilling out of the bright, airy, crisp-new house, through the sliding porch doors and into the garden.

It was such a warm sight, it reminded me of all the housewarming parties I’d attended in the past, in all the places in which I’ve lived.

They’re so nice, these parties. It’s like a kind of house-baptism, you know? “Please come to bring light and warmth in my new home so I can start here on a good note.”

I’m grateful for housewarming parties!

Skype.

I count four countries as home, each one at different times of my life. When I first moved, we still wrote aerogrammes and sent letters and photos by mail. I’ve seen how much communications has been transformed over time.

I’m grateful for Skype, for What’s App and Viber and Line, all these things that make connection over great distances so much easier, if we expended only a little effort. True, the art of letter-writing and reflection has quite likely atrophied (along with the fine muscles in our fingers and hands required for writing, probably!), but we are a more connected generation than ever.

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Something to look forward to.

Some days I find it difficult to find something that I’m really looking forward to.

It’s a little sad because when we are kids, we almost always naturally have something that keeps us hanging in anticipation: recess, ice cream after school, swimming on the weekend with Dad and Mom, playing with our cousins from out of town, going shopping for a new chemistry set or Strawberry Shortcake toy, or family vacations. Or even that new chocolate shop opening.

And then you become a teenager, and it’s looking forward every day to seeing your crush from the boys’ school, or going to a concert with your friends, or your school’s retreat (Catholic girls’ school, okay?), or ballet class, or school holidays. Or that new ice cream parlour opening.

And then we become adults. And those crushes either crash and burn real quickly in the face of adult responsibilities and expectations, or they become partners and then sometimes husband, and we start to take people who love us for granted. Appointments with friends become scheduled affairs, and, if there are kids, necessary things to keep the mothers (and after all that feminism, it’s still almost always the mothers) from going mad. Sex becomes part of the routine (so I am told), the ideas of falling in love and soulmates become a cynical guffaw (I have noticed), and we stop looking forward to simple things. Or they are taken from us, or we learn to act with our heads because people now rely on us, and ignore our hearts.

So, lately, when I wake up each morning, I sit down and plan my day, and in my day, I make sure there’s something that I can look forward to. Whether it’s walking out to my favourite ice cream place to get two scoops of salted caramel ice cream; or sending a friend a present I know they’ll love; or reading fiction; or Skypeing a good friend far away whom I haven’t spoken to in a while; or something new, like a trial class for meditation or dance.

I’m grateful for things to look forward to almost every day.

Sandcastles.

When was the last time you built one of these?

It’s amazing how singleminded, focused and right in the moment we can be when we’re building this thing that will wash away when the tide comes in. And it’s so tactile and fun. I’m grateful for sandcastles.

Pub grub.

I LOVE pub grub. Comfort food defined, especially when paired with a pub quiz. 🙂 I’m such a Hermione; I just love knowing things and having my knowledge tested haha!