This is inspired by Eli Glasman’s post: On the importance of letting myself get angry.
A surge of white-hot smouldering heat
Shame on the tip of its whipping tail
Lashes out in angry tendrils through
The cracks in the bottle, porcelain and pale.
I never learnt to defend my boundaries till a lot later in life than most, and, naturally, never learnt to respect other people’s boundaries till then either. Boundaries? What is this concept you speak of? In some families, boundaries are non-existent or regularly violated, and everyone merges or take a long time to truly individuate. On top of that, some people are taught early that anger is not an “allowed” emotion. What happens then is that anger gets repressed until it bursts out under pressure in an inappropriate way. Instead of defending their boundaries regularly and getting understandably angry when they are violated, these people tolerate it until they can’t take it no more, and then… drama ensues. When anger is an emotion to be ashamed of, we learn to build barriers instead of boundaries.
So I am grateful for anger; I’m grateful for being able to feel it now without feeling ashamed of it. Being able to get angry is healthy. Our feelings are our barometers. When our boundaries are violated, it is normal to feel angry (ok, and uncomfortable and a bit “ick”, too), and it is necessary to defend them.