To be honest, I’m blogging to overcome a fear.
It’s long overdue, but I’m working on authenticity, daring greatly (yes, I am a quasi Brené Brown fan), standing on my side and valuing my opinions no matter what, blah blah blah et al that sensitive women going through their
breakdowns spiritual awakenings work on when it’s time.
- When it’s time to take up the lessons of what came before, break it up and rearrange it in a new mosaic and contribute better than we ever could before.
- When it’s time to bring our best, most real selves to the table.
- When it’s time to distill knowledge into wisdom and do something good with it.
- When it’s time to slam a fist down and say, “this is me, this is what I think, this is 30% of genetic personality and 60% of conditioned and chosen personality, and you can accept that or reject it or something in between, but I like it, and I will stand by it, and I don’t really care what you think I should be doing because my clever little 30-year-old gut instinct is telling me otherwise.”
- When it’s time to hold as precious, functional and good every single part of ourselves, the “pretty” and the “ugly”– the jealousy, the love, the desperation, the generosity, the cowardice, the courage– the all of it, and hug it and snorgle it all.
This would have been a personal journal, except for the fact that everyone worth their time on earth goes through or has gone through a personal crisis; that everyone who has tried hard enough and been brave enough has made mistakes– the braver, the bigger the mistake. I have made little mistakes, but at least I’ve made them. Someone cleverer said it better: if you are not making any mistakes, you are not trying hard enough. Risk is inherent in trying hard enough.
Of course, there are things I will never say in public. But there are other things that I wish I could have heard when I was 26 and going through my quarter-life career crisis that would have helped me feel more connected and less alone. So I would like to share a little of my knowledge and experience, in case it makes helps or entertains anyone just a little bit.
From here on, I hope to keep my posts short and snappy and with pictures. Famous last words before descending into rambling rants, I’m sure, but let’s shoot for the moon first thing off the bat. I am human and have failed myself before, but I value knowledge, wisdom, experience, courage, love, peaceful interactions and resolutions, resourcefulness, active curiosity, candour (particularly emotional candour), whimsy and quirkiness, humour, adventure and travel. I also love food and comfy squashy couches. I love books. And adventures. Other people have cocaine, alcohol, cigarettes, adventure sports– well, I have books. And an active passport. My posts this year will reflect all that.
However– and this is the cardinal sin of communications, I know, but I’m not sure whom I would love to connect with via this blog. The thing is, most of humanity (I wrote ALL of humanity at first, but then I realised this isn’t true) share a few things in common: a heart, a soul (I think), emotions, a search, basic needs, complex needs, a loneliness, a yearning. While I do think it is possible to pull apart Maslow’s pyramid and squash it back together into a nifty piece of modern art, I don’t think it’s possible to do it for very long. So, I suppose I appeal to those gifted with empathy, to other highly-sensitive persons, and to those for whom the search never stops.
I think that if I blog successfully through all of 2014, I’d wake up on 1 January 2015 and I’d be alive and I’d feel the tug of the search a little less keenly. I’d have new laurels to sit on. I would have learnt to be honest and brave. I would have helped my readers think and question and act. And that would be my definition of success.